I decided to jump on the Twitter band wagon and do a #tt …even if it is a day late. This is a prologue of sorts for a new..LAGtUC/WW/LTL unrelated story. I don’t even have a title for this so..here it is:
Final Will and Testament of the Deceased:
Welcome my children – yes, I am aware not all of you are my offspring, but it is how I view you and thus how I shall address you.
You are my family.
We are all family, look to your left and look to your right and you shall find family. Family is the cornerstone of civilization; without family civilization would not exist. No, I am not lecturing on social conduct or history, I am simply emphasizing the necessity of family.
Long ago, there was a rift in our family – before many of you were born – that ripped the family apart. My dear duchess was never the same overcome with grief as she was. She was heartbroken over the callousness of her beloved children. Try as we might, together she and I were unable to mend their differences and assuage their animosity towards each other. Unfortunately, much as I feared, it has been inherited with each new generation. And I am bloody well tired of it!
None of you speak, yet you are unable to recall why it is so. Believe me when I say I know none of you are aware the source of dissension because I was present and I myself, nor my wife even upon her deathbed – which might I add only two of her five children visited – cannot recall.
Your parents, aunts and uncles are stubborn, arrogant, prideful people too preoccupied with their own selfish needs to witness the destruction, pain and suffering their bullheadedness has caused. I, however, hope this generation – you – are not.
The contents of my estate are vast and numerous, most of which is entailed, however, what is not I shall distribute among my family, be it by blood or by those who were more my family than my family. (Do not be shocked should an upstairs maid receive a cottage and more than adequate compensation.)
It may be a tad bit manipulative, but as I am left without recourse I am shamefully using my wealth to entice you all into once again become a family. And if it does not work (which shall be a shock to the whole of London as our name has gained unsavory notoriety in that regard) I resolve to have my loyal solicitor browbeat each and every one of you into submission. And if that still does not accomplish my deed, I am determined to have the lot of you locked in a manor without means of escape or resources until you come to terms or until there is no longer a family to speak of!
Mr. Pennyworth (my loyal solicitor) shall regale you with the contents of my will in a moment. I believe I would like to take this time to inform you of a special stipulation: my golden chess set.
As the name suggests it is a set, board and pieces, of solid gold. I assure you it is or import, kindly remain seated.
At my behest, Mr. Pennyworth has surreptitiously distributed each piece, informing the recipients to find their “pair” (“partner”?). None of you have received a golden piece as of yet because I instructed Mr. Pennyworth to mail the parcels after my will has been publicized. With any luck, those of you whom I have chosen will return home minutes after their arrival.
Further instruction will be given at a later date, should my family remain in contact.
Remember, I love you all
not because you are family,
but in spite of it,
Duke of Foxworth
Sebastian Anthony Robert Charles Valmont
What do you think??? Criticism welcomed!