The LTWF ladies, specifically Kat Zhang, posted on their blog about crafting a scene. Then she challenged the readers to write a scene that included the four elements she mentioned a scene should entail. I’ll admit I cheated a little and didn’t just write this scene spontaneously. It’s from Draft One of my MS Willful Wisdom that I kind of – DESPERATELY – need to edit. But, I was curious. I THINK it contains the four elements Kat mentioned, but I could be wrong. Tell me what you think?
First, here’s a mini-synopsis of the story:
William Somerset, Lord Rawley is a spy for the Crown and as always, his latest mission was a success. His new assignment, however, has him in knots. A fellow spy, Grey, went undercover, but is now missing. The Crown believes Grey is either dead or a traitor, Will has to go in, complete the mission, find the missing agent, and save the Prince Regent. On top of all that, his father’s cousin dies, making him the Duke, he meets this random girl and he can’t explain his attraction to her, making an ass of himself whenever he is around her.
The girl he meets is Lady Sophia. She is a strong, intelligent, independent woman who doesn’t need a man in her life telling her what to do or where to go. But, unfortunately for her, everywhere she goes Will seems to be. He irritates her to no end, yet they seem to have a connection. Sophia is also a spy working for her country. She needs to find information, send it to her spymaster so he can utilize the information to save lives.
But what will happen when they discover each other’s secrets? Will the unexplained attraction for each prevail or will the love for their country??
And here’s the scene (it’s kind of long):
“My lord! You startled me!” She said a little breathlessly. Then something flashed across her eyes.
He had stood on the terrace watching the interaction between the lovely goddess and the odious Finnegan, awaiting her reaction to the man’s blatant attempt at what he more than likely considered flirting. When she stormed out in a huff he sank deeper into the shadows, smiling to himself and absurdly proud of how she handled Finnegan.
Now he said, “Hmm. That does seem to be happening an awful lot,” staring into her cerulean eyes behind the mask.
“What does?” She blinked in surprise.
“You being startled.” He said grasping her elbow and leading her around the fountain where a bench was situated. “I do hope however,” he continued, seating her and then himself, “I will not end this conversation with a palm print on my cheek.”
She sat primly, arranging her skirts about her. “We will just have to wait and see the direction this conversation takes, now won’t we?” She glanced at him through the corner of her eye, her lips curving into a small smile.
“I suppose we shall.” William stared at her and then blinked. Then blinked again. He groaned.
She turned at the sound. “What is the matter, my lord? Are you okay? You look a little green.” He looked ‘a little green’? Surely he was going to hell.
“Good Lord, woman! What are you wearing?” He bellowed. Arranging her skirts she had let go of the domino which sprang apart and rested gracefully on her shoulders, allowing him to experience the full effect of her costume. During her encounter with Finnegan he only saw the back of her outfit, but was certain it was her. Now…
“Why, whatever do you mean, my lord?” She asked blinking a little too innocently.
“You know full well what I mean! Where the devil did you get such scandalous attire?” He knew exactly where women ventured to acquire such clothing, but those women were not Lady Sophia and Lady Sophia did not venture into those stores. He couldn’t picture Sophia entering that sort of shop, browsing and then purchasing a gown.
“Do you not like it?” She glanced down inspecting the dress, patting her hand along the way ensuring everything was still in place. “Nothing is amiss.” She concluded throwing him a quizzical look.
“Nothing is amiss? Nothing is amiss! My lady, I would say you are practically falling out of that confection, but there is nothing for you to fall out of! What possessed you to wear it?” William continued to bellow while she spoke in hushed tones.
“My lord,” she said peevishly, “please lower your voice. It is a masquerade ball and I am wearing a costume.
“Your choice of costume is abominable.” He hissed. “I cannot believe your aunt allowed you out of the house dressed like that.”
“‘Dressed like that’? What exactly do you mean, my lord?” Her irritation growing.
“I mean you are flaunting your charms for the entire world to see! Have you no shame?”
“Flaunting my charms? You make me sound like a back alley whore! Sir, do not insult me.” She warned her voice strained from with unleashed fury. “As for shame, you are one to talk!”
“And what do you mean by that?”
“You ask if I have no shame over a simple gown-”
“There is nothing simple about that gown,” he muttered.
“I can ask the same question about your life.” She exclaimed.
“My life is of no concern to you, Lady Sophia.” He stated in a tone effectively ending the conversation. He stared up at the sky, anywhere except at her, taking deep, cleansing breaths. A lot had happened and he gave it a great deal of thought, more than he would have liked. Simply put, he wanted her. He wanted her in his bed, next to him, under him. Now the question was when will her claim her? Not if because always got what he wanted and right now he wanted Lady Sophia and Lady Sophia he will have.
They sat in uncomfortable silence, Sophia kicking a pebble with her kid skin slippers, until he asked, “Pray tell Lady Sophia, what are you doing all the way out here, all by your lonesome?” He knew why she left the terrace, but not what possessed her to leave the ballroom in the first place.
The pebble flew across the path. “Why is it that you always find me when I am alone?” She retorted.
He shrugged. “Coincidence, I suppose.” Then he glanced down at her. “But then again, you are frequently unaccompanied.”
“I am not!”
“Yes, you are.” He said resisting the smile that always threatened to invade in her presence.
“How did you know it was me?” She asked genuinely surprised.
“How could I not? Sophia…Wisdom…Athena? It was rather obvious.”
“Well, it appears my efforts are only obvious to you, my lord.” Her efforts were only obvious to him? Was she completely oblivious to the mass of suitors panting after her, following her wherever she went, tripping over their tongues to catch a glimpse of her? His attention remained elsewhere, but he couldn’t help but notice her every move. She sat with him willingly, they conversed peaceably and she didn’t show any sign of irritation or worry over propriety. She was being quite amiable considering his outburst.
His eyes raked over her, taking in every inch. She reminded him of a dainty pastry, smooth skin, supple breasts and plump lips. He couldn’t wait to taste her. “Pity. You do look enticing.”
She looked up sharply and he was lost. He didn’t think it was true, simply poetic nonsense Bryon sprouted, but her eyes actually sparkled in the moonlight. It was if the moon specifically chose her and placed a twinkle in the corner of her eye – to torture him. There was no other reason. Why would they sparkle when he happened to look into her eyes?
“Would you care for a turn around the garden?” He asked quickly changing the subject. He was thinking about this too much. A walk would clear his mind and distract him from ridiculous thoughts.
So…comments? Questions? Concerns?